I haven’t cried this much in such a long time. I came home early, sat down trying to research places for my trip and sudden destruction of thoughts shaken my mind which intrigued the level of my sensitivity and I cried.. I cried so much.. I only thought of the word ‘Why’ and I answered that question with ‘Life is meaningless’. My heart was so heavy to handle. I repeated steps of picking up the phone and hanging up before it even rings. I didn’t want to bother them… In the end, I called and that one phone call saved my night. 

I’m still upset and I do not want to do anything. I want a finish but I can not. Instead my mind is getting dragged like dead corpse.